10 Songs That Wouldn't Result In Beer Spat In The General Direction Of The Bartender's Face When Played At A Pub, But Which I Otherwise Despise

by nickjameslangley

In alphabetical order by artist:

1. Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer
I think if the mist was going to be sprayed at any point during the song, it'd be at the climatic key change toward the end of the song. Fortunately I will have the ability to compose myself, knock down the rest of the beer and nail it with him. Fitting terminology given the attached picture.
2. Bryan Adams - Summer of '69

Just to clear things up, yes, I will endeavour to continue this developing trend of homosexually suggestive images. Now on to the song. As soon as I hear the infamous intro in the company of myself, I will shudder horrendously. Often my convulsions are mistaken for an epileptic fit. When I hear the timeless classic intro riff in a pub I will most likely jump on top of the bar and air guitar along. Often the adoring audience mistake my tomfoolery for the real thing.
3. Choir Boys - Run To Paradise

Mmm...look at those outstretched arms. Yumm-O. I'm fairly sure the only places that are actually legally permitted to play this track are pubs, RSLs and WSFM (101.7. Good Times, Great Classic Hits). There is an abundance of sound reasoning behind this apparent legislation - which I am of course not going to go into - but nevertheless, it will stir me into a frenzy as soon as the pub capitalises on its exclusive right to spin this track.

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4. Cold Chisel - Khe Sahn
There's no doubting about the homosexuality of this picture. Look at the phallic object the two main members are so intent on getting their mouths around. Ever been to an Australian gig where Khe Sahn is requested? Of course you have. Every Australian tour show ever involves the mentioning of that song. Notice how they're almost always in Pubs. That is no coincidence. This song has pub classic written all over it. I have not got a clue as to why people like the track.

5. Don Mclean - American Pie
This song is too long for me to sit through and enjoy at home. Granted I do enjoy long songs when done well, but this just drags on, and on. It's painful. Somehow, it makes any pub night exponentially better. Hearing all 41 verses belted out by a jubilant crowd is something that words cannot truly depict.

6. Dragon - April Sun In Cuba
What a cracking song. Everybody knows it. Nobody would actually admit to owning a copy of it though. Cue: Pub Classic.

7. Guns N' Roses - Entire Discography
I hate Guns N' Roses. However, in the right environment (a pub) and with the right conditions (after the consumption of beer) time and time again I will find myself singing along to such memorable tracks as Welcome To the Jungle, November Rain and god forbid - Sweet Child O' Mine. It's almost shameful. Almost.

8. Hunters and Collectors - Holy Grail

Ever since this song was played during every AFL related broadcast for 3 or 4 years, it has been a strictly pub-only track. During pub visits, this track really is the Holy Grail of pub tracks. Stop it, you're being too clever.
9. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama
This song is an instant floor filler at a pub. The fact that they are confederate loving hicks doesn't seem to offend people too much. This song is an instant bogan magnet anywhere else that you might hear this song. Excuse the derogatory comments in this review, but I feel as thought it's necessary to accurately convey my opinion.
10. Steve Earle - Copperhead Road

Keeping the theme as southern and country as possible; this song is terrible.
I'd say this is an exception to the subject of this list. I would definitely spit beer in the bartender's face if this came on at a pub. Needless to say it doesn't go down well outside the pub. A fitting end note.

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