1. Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer I think if the mist was going to be sprayed at any point during the song, it'd be at the climatic key change toward the end of the song. Fortunately I will have the ability to compose myself, knock down the rest of the beer and nail it with him. Fitting terminology given the attached picture. 2. Bryan Adams - Summer of '69
Just to clear things up, yes, I will endeavour to continue this developing trend of homosexually suggestive images. Now on to the song. As soon as I hear the infamous intro in the company of myself, I will shudder horrendously. Often my convulsions are mistaken for an epileptic fit. When I hear the timeless classic intro riff in a pub I will most likely jump on top of the bar and air guitar along. Often the adoring audience mistake my tomfoolery for the real thing. 3. Choir Boys - Run To Paradise
Mmm...look at those outstretched arms. Yumm-O. I'm fairly sure the only places that are actually legally permitted to play this track are pubs, RSLs and WSFM (101.7. Good Times, Great Classic Hits). There is an abundance of sound reasoning behind this apparent legislation - which I am of course not going to go into - but nevertheless, it will stir me into a frenzy as soon as the pub capitalises on its exclusive right to spin this track.
4. Cold Chisel - Khe Sahn There's no doubting about the homosexuality of this picture. Look at the phallic object the two main members are so intent on getting their mouths around. Ever been to an Australian gig where Khe Sahn is requested? Of course you have. Every Australian tour show ever involves the mentioning of that song. Notice how they're almost always in Pubs. That is no coincidence. This song has pub classic written all over it. I have not got a clue as to why people like the track.
5. Don Mclean - American Pie This song is too long for me to sit through and enjoy at home. Granted I do enjoy long songs when done well, but this just drags on, and on. It's painful. Somehow, it makes any pub night exponentially better. Hearing all 41 verses belted out by a jubilant crowd is something that words cannot truly depict.
6. Dragon - April Sun In Cuba What a cracking song. Everybody knows it. Nobody would actually admit to owning a copy of it though. Cue: Pub Classic.
7. Guns N' Roses - Entire Discography I hate Guns N' Roses. However, in the right environment (a pub) and with the right conditions (after the consumption of beer) time and time again I will find myself singing along to such memorable tracks as Welcome To the Jungle, November Rain and god forbid - Sweet Child O' Mine. It's almost shameful. Almost.
8. Hunters and Collectors - Holy Grail
Ever since this song was played during every AFL related broadcast for 3 or 4 years, it has been a strictly pub-only track. During pub visits, this track really is the Holy Grail of pub tracks. Stop it, you're being too clever. 9. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama This song is an instant floor filler at a pub. The fact that they are confederate loving hicks doesn't seem to offend people too much. This song is an instant bogan magnet anywhere else that you might hear this song. Excuse the derogatory comments in this review, but I feel as thought it's necessary to accurately convey my opinion. 10. Steve Earle - Copperhead Road
Keeping the theme as southern and country as possible; this song is terrible. I'd say this is an exception to the subject of this list. I would definitely spit beer in the bartender's face if this came on at a pub. Needless to say it doesn't go down well outside the pub. A fitting end note.
It's fairly clear to me that the reason "sore throat man" of Gomez has his vocal tone is due to him owning a firearm. This is yet to be verified by any organisation more pre-eminent than my vivid imagination.
Not only did James Marshall Hendrix actually serve in the army - therefore gracing him with super human abilities - but he felt the need to desert his nation's armed forces to put his super powers to better use. I wasn't at the live recording of "Band of Gypsys", but I'm sure if I had been, and my eyes were closed, and I was on the same concoction of hallucinogens that Jimi was on, I probably would've believed he was wielding a gun during this song.
The live renditions of this song in particular give me confidence that there are many often unmentioned positives to war. Let me think of one off the top of my head. Without wars, there'd be a serious drop in awesome songs of the past and present. For this reason, I condone gun-wielders in the war, but those pricks on ships can rack right off.
The closer that I can get to becoming Trent Reznor, the better. I'd like to think that the Big Man With A Gun is him. He seems pretty happy about it in the song...well, from what I can gather amongst the fuzz and noise. Score one (1) for Weaponry.
Owning a firearm is not all about blood and guts. These guys seem perfectly gay and jolly singing about their bop guns. I'm sure that through their ridiculous wigs, obscene clothing and outrageous props, they are fully aware of the responsibility required to own and maintain a weapon.
It's not a cover! Let's just get that straight. If I could have any sort of sign that machine guns - or hand guns for that matter - allow me to produce music like Portishead, I'm ordering no fewer than one from a shady online dealer in Mexico. This song, like Hendrix's, tries to recreate the piercing thud of rounds being fired. It gets my senses tingling.
It's clear to me that these guys are proficient with punctuation. It doesn't take a genius to decipher that much. But is it a coincidence that this mob hail from Alaska? And that Alaskans are renowned alcoholics? And there is a direct correlation between alcoholism and membership in the National Rifle Association (NRA) in American states? That's what I thought.
Okay. So they're just an undercooked and less heralded At The Drive-In. Let's not go making rash claims that firearms caused this. Jim Ward still enjoys rocking out. I'm willing to bet he's shot a can or two in his time.
Jason Pierce is so badarse (ass for all the Americans reading, of which I'm positive there are many.) he doesn't feel the need to even OWN a gun, he just borrows his father's. That is the kind of constraint I hope to exercise should I ever act on my relentless urge to deal with the aforementioned Shady Mexican.
10. Me & A Gun - Tori Amos
Ah, ending with an A Capella track. A classy touch, me. While I could make completely inappropriate comments about how a gun potentially enables me to rape American singer/songwriters, I will counter that point. If Tori Amos had a weapon on her, she would've been in a far better position than she sings about in her song about her scarring ordeal with a rapist. She brought a bunch of pathetic slaps to a gun fight. Had she bought an automatic rifle, there would have been no rape.
1. Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer
2. Bryan Adams - Summer of '69
3. Choir Boys - Run To Paradise
4. Cold Chisel - Khe Sahn
5. Don Mclean - American Pie
6. Dragon - April Sun In Cuba
7. Guns N' Roses - Entire Discography
8. Hunters and Collectors - Holy Grail
9. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama
10. Steve Earle - Copperhead Road
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