Top 10 Songs Written By Men With Impressive Beards

by Listmaster Flash

I have recently been a strong believer in the theory that men with beards have the best voices, and write the greatest songs. Here is a list of my current top 10 favourites written by men with more than impressive facial hair.

10. Second Chance - Liam Finn

This bearded Kiwi really knows his way around a guitar, looping station and drum kit. He also has a very nice beard. This track builds up from some catchy poppy guitar and vocals, to an all out looped chaos, with Liam more or less destroying his drum kit in live performances of this track.

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9. Passing Afternoon - Iron & Wine

Wow what a beard. No wonder this song is so good. Beautiful lyrics and an excellent melody, this song could easily make a 'top 10 album closers' list.

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8. Raining In Darling - Bonnie 'Prince' Billy

Mmmm yes while his beard makes him look scarier than your average indie singer, Will Oldham is one of the most amazing song writers I have discovered recently. Another contender for the 'top 10 album closers' list, this is also perhaps the best song ever to ever fall under the 2 minute mark.

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7. Golden - My Morning Jacket

My beloved band of recent times, Jim James has always (until recently) showcased a beautiful beard. I could have filled this whole list with Jim James written tracks, he is really that amazing. Golden features two characteristics of a great song: lap steel and falsetto, and when this is combined with excellent song writing a true masterpiece occurs.

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6. The Seed - Cody Chesnutt

Cody has a way for making obscene lyrics sound really normal and really sweet. For example:

'I push my seed in her push for life

It's gonna work because I'm pushin' it right

If Mary drops my baby girl tonight

I would name her Rock-N-Roll.'

Perhaps it's his charming beard that allows him to pull it off. Whatever it is, here he has created one of my ultimate pop tunes.

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5. You're The One - The Black Keys

Dan Auerbach's decision to really go all out with the beard growth clearly had a positive effect, with great songs like this being created. This song effectively shows bearded men's softer sensitive side. Could you resist a bearded man like this singing "you're the one"? That's what I thought.

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4. Maybe You're Right - Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam)

While the religion of Islam has pushed Yusuf's beard to amazing levels of greatness, his Cat Stevens days are perhaps where the beard created the most magic. Maybe You're Right is one of those all time classic songs, that just has some unique quality (beard?) about it that will preserve it in musical history forever.

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3. For Emma - Bon Iver

A group who perhaps deserves more mentions in this list, due to their serious beard-growing skills and Justin Vernon's amazing song-writing qualities, Bon Iver comes in at a deserved number 3. This beautiful track is best enjoyed in acapella form (see youtube link).

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2. Steam Engine - My Morning Jacket

Yes yes, an artist being included twice. But they deserve it! James' beard is in full effect here, creating a climatic affair including more falsetto, and just more overall greatness. I grew a beard hoping that I would be able to write a song like this, but it didn't work....musn't have been long enough.

1. I See A Darkness - Bonnie 'Prince' Billy

Oldham's second track in the list is a guaranteed entry into my 'top songs of all time' list, and also proof of the sheer song-writing capabilities of bearded men. Chilling, haunting, beautiful... this song could be described in so many words, but is rather something that needs to be experienced individually. If you don't own the album 'I See A Darkness' (1999), get that and go from there.

10 Rap Tracks Which Are Guaranteed To Make Me Throw My Hands In The Air Like I Just Don't Care

by Listmaster Flash

These are the 10 songs that no matter my present situation, force me into some form of hip-hop dancing. Whether that be an out of control chest pump, or an attempted head-spin all depends on the song and my current mood.

10. Rock The Bells - LL Cool J

From the second that first line of "LL Cool J is hard as hell" kicks in, I envision myself in a break dance circle in early 1980's New York, decked in Puma Clydes, bell bottom jeans and a bomber jacket. LL's killer rhymes coupled with the bass heavy beat provide you with that brief moment of belief that you are indeed a member of a break dancing crew.

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9. D. Original - Jeru the Damaja

The 'Original Dirty Rotten Scoundrel' Jeru the Damaja, and his DJ Premier produced beats induce an out of control head bop and hand wave. Jeru's flow is incredible, and when combined with Premier's abstract beats, the result is a completely unique and contagious hip hop experience. If you don't possess the album 'The Sun Rises in The East', make it your daily task to do so.

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8. Me Myself and I - De La Soul

Not only does this song make me want to break into the robot, but the video makes me wish that I could also sport a slanting flat top. The Funkadelic sample can perhaps be credited with why this song is so damn funky and addictive.

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7. The Next Episode - Dr. Dre

Some hip-hop purists may disagree with this inclusion, but the combination of Snoop, Dre, Nate Dogg and a dope beat is a winning one, guaranteed to induce an attempted 'crip walk'.

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6. What's Golden - Jurassic 5

I can't really think of any thing this song does wrong. An organ driven beat, Public Enemy samples, and some immaculate rhymes shared between the four mc's is a successful formula. R.I.P J5.

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5. Shake Your Rump - Beastie Boys

"'Is your name Michael Diamond?' No mines Clarence". Not only does this track has one of my favourite lines ever, but it also makes me do exactly what the title says and shake my rump. And to add to that, the end of the track provides a rare opportunity to scream "hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe" at the top of your lungs and not get slapped for it.

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4. Excursions - A Tribe Called Quest

A Tribe Called Quest are just so cool, that's all I think about when I hear this track. Some cool double bass, some cool horns and some damn cool lyrics lead to me doing some pretty cool (in my eyes) dancing.

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3. Ain't Nothin' Ta Fuck Wit - Wu-Tang Clan

RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, ODB, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Masta Killa and Cappadona, thank you so much for creating a track which makes me feel that I have a huge posse following me everywhere I go. The second the beat kicks in both my arms shoot into the air and do a double arm bounce (think 8-mile but with both arms). However this is not very safe while driving....

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2. Hip-hop - Dead Prez

Another car driving favourite. The second this comes on my radio, my shitty $300 car suddenly has hydraulics and I am bouncing uncontrollably and rhyming "Who shot Biggie Smalls if we don't get em they gonna get us all, I'm down for runnin' up on them crackers in they city hall."

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1. By The Time I Get To Arizona - Public Enemy

No artist has had more of an impact on my life that Public Enemy. From the first time I saw them on Australian music program 'Recovery' as an 8 year old, to the time I rebelliously threw my middle finger up at their concert as a 13 year old, they are one of the loves of my life. This track's distored bass and guitar melody, gospel choir loops, riot screams, dense drum tracks and Chuck's furious rhyming creates a chaotic but contagious track which is ideal for waving your hands, fists, middle fingers or whatever tickles you fancy from side to side.

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